Monday, February 24, 2014

Neighborhood Helpers

Police people in FatLand are not even called "police." They are called Neighborhood Helpers. That is their main job - to assist anyone in the neighborhood who is lost, hurt, anxious, cold, hungry, confused, or in any other condition for which they need some kind of help.

Their secondary job is to respond to calls which may involve non-FatLanders who are acting inappropriately, whether by harassing, using a weapon (no guns of any kind are allowed in FatLand), or any other actions that signal intent to harm. By contrast, if a FatLander or a non-FatLander is acting in an unusual manner or even an eccentric manner, but is causing no harm to anyone, including himself or herself, the Neighborhood Helpers will not interfere. Example: someone runs naked through a field, but does not look unhappy or sick.

Their third job:  to make sure that the Prime Law is enforced, that dieting and scales are not mentioned. This can get difficult. For instance, if a few people in a bar get drunk and one of them starts saying loudly that he thinks that scales should be allowed so that assholes can be forced to sit on them, does this constitute a violation? It probably does, but not technically. However, they can probably escort the drunk person home on the grounds that he should not be driving or even walking. So they have now solved the problem without having to invoke any rights clauses or giving the drunk person more of an opportunity to act out.

The Neighborhood Helpers must wear clothes that have at least two colors of the FatLand flag. Since the flag is green, gold and purple, a helper could wear gold and green, or purple and gold, to fulfill the requirement.

There are no jails in FatLand.

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